Rewriting Radiance - Tiferet Edition

Complete links to the first draft of Radiance (my kabbalistic fantasy novel) can be found here.

Progress on rewriting Radiance continues, albeit rather slower than I would like as real life complications, such as expecting our first child in the next 8 weeks, get in the way. But I wanted to share some revisions from the fifth section of the novel, entitled Tiferet/Adornment.

In the first chapter, entitled Good to Give Thanks to the Lord, Emma Grunfeld, Asher's mother, journey's through the heavens to encounter the divine. In the early part of the chapter I described roads of fire and ice, concluding:

"Emma’s mind was full of ice and flames. But she had to keep moving.
    A wall rose up before her eyes, a wall of sapphire stones, refracting the light into a million shards of green and blue. "

But I realised that this was a very abrupt transition from the heat and cold to the sapphire stones. I also decided that I wanted more phrases that were redolent of biblical and rabbinic texts. Combining both of these issues, I came up with the following solution:

"Emma’s mind was full of ice and flames. But she had to keep moving.
    And then the heat and cold was no more, like streams that overflow with thawing ice whose water vanishes in the dry season.
    A wall rose up before her eyes, a wall of something like the appearance of sapphire stones, refracting the light into a million shards of green and blue."

Continued after the jump...