Rewriting Radiance - The floods raise up a roar

Few major changes this week than in the past, but in the 'villain' scene at the end of Tiferet/Splendour (you can read the original here) I wanted to add some clarity to Ashmedai's objectives, and make him a little more understandable, so that his actions in the final scene make a little more sense.

Originally, he merely says the following:

    “Where is my payment?” demanded Ashmedai as Samael stepped away from the captives and walked back down the tunnel towards him. Ashmedai took on the angel’s face as he spoke, twisting the features of fire and stone into the shadows that surrounded him.

But this didn't seem expressive enough of the King of Demons' desire for the sensations of the flesh. The updated version is after the jump:

Jewish Eyes On The Arts Salon - Reading Radiance

Want to watch me talk about Radiance and read some of a new chapter? Check it out - thanks to Jewish Eyes on the Arts - www.oholiav.com

Rewriting Radiance - chapter 1

    "Asher had been sitting in the bath for the better part of two hours when the knock came. The water had long since become tepid, his skin wrinkled as too much liquid passed the boundary of his skin. He watched the tap drip, slowly adding more and more water to the tub.
    The knock came again."

In what I hope will be a series of blog posts, I wanted to show you a look at my rewriting process that I'm currently going through with Radiance, by taking sections from the novel as posted online and showing you my thoughts and then final changes.

We begin with the first chapter, in which our hero is sitting in the bath.

My main comment on this (and indeed on much of my writing)? More! Show more, take a bit longer, flesh it out.

The new version is after the jump (major changes in bold):