Monday 22 July 2013

Rewriting Radiance - The floods raise up a roar

Few major changes this week than in the past, but in the 'villain' scene at the end of Tiferet/Splendour (you can read the original here) I wanted to add some clarity to Ashmedai's objectives, and make him a little more understandable, so that his actions in the final scene make a little more sense.

Originally, he merely says the following:

    “Where is my payment?” demanded Ashmedai as Samael stepped away from the captives and walked back down the tunnel towards him. Ashmedai took on the angel’s face as he spoke, twisting the features of fire and stone into the shadows that surrounded him.

But this didn't seem expressive enough of the King of Demons' desire for the sensations of the flesh. The updated version is after the jump:



    “Where is my payment? My wine, my safe house, my legion of slaves?” demanded Ashmedai as Samael stepped away from the captives and walked back down the tunnel towards him. Ashmedai took on the angel’s face as he spoke, twisting the features of flame and stone into the shadows that surrounded him.

I also wanted to match Samael to the sense of his name - Sam-El, the poison of God. Hence this description of him walking away:

    Samael did not wait for a reply but stormed down the stone tunnel, burning and flaring with each step.

Became the following:

    Samael did not wait for a reply but stormed down the stone tunnel, burning and dripping poison with each step.

Nothing too major in this week's revisions, but work on the second version of Radiance continues...

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