Rewriting Radiance - The ancient mountains

Another addition to Radiance, this time in the second part, Yesod/Foundation, in between chapters 8 and 9, after Asher has met the Seven and before his encounter with the dybbuk.

My original intent had been to cut out as much of Asher's training as possible to get to the 'super-powered' part as quickly as I could but I found that it was both too fast and ended up giving the supporting cast too little air-time. Without some opportunity to get to know them, it seems that the readers have little reason to worry about the fate of each member of the Seven. This is my attempt at filling both those gaps.

But have I done enough?

I could easily imagining stretching some of these encounters into longer ones, or having Asher meet angels and take part in an exorcism. Would these be good additions or is this enough as is?

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

    As Asher watched the sun dip in the sky, he found himself astonished that he was not as terrible at Hebrew grammar as he had always supposed. Two months in, he was really getting the hang of it, conjugating verbs like a master (or so he thought), beginning to read full sentences and complex ideas. The pattern of it seemed to make sense to him - there was a kind of music about it that made it stick somewhere deep inside in a nonsense poem of verb formation. I killed, you killed, you (f.) killed, he killed, she killed… Everybody killed.
    But in the growing frenzy of preparations for the oncoming shabbat, he couldn’t help but hope for some more peaceful verbs to work with.
    In the kitchen, Ostar surged around the counters, mixing ingredients together furiously to prepare the meal before the sun set and all preparations had to be complete. Even without his gleaming armour, the manifestation of Netzach, Divine Victory, was an impressive sight a bulking figure that seemed to fill the entire small urban kitchen, smiling and laughing out loud at his own near-unending jokes, even as the sweat started to gather on his brow. Mercury, the embodiment of Hod, Divine Splendour, and, as Asher had learned only a month prior, Ostar’s wife, was slicing carrots while drilling him on his verb forms, her long dark hair tied neatly behind her head..
    “What was that?” she said, never looking up from the silver blade that effortlessly divided the vegetables.

Radiance 18 - On high for evermore

A slightly shorter chapter this week that I found pretty difficult to write. I just don't know if the emotion here is working right, if I'm giving the right depth to the moment - certainly I'm not sure if this chapter has had enough support in previous parts. Any thoughts?

From http://daroz.deviantart.com

    “Okay, I know that you aren’t exactly feeling yourself at the moment, so given the circumstances I’m prepared to forgive you. It will be like this whole morning never happened,” said Virgo, sitting herself down on a small white chair in the beit midrash, the study hall, of the Palace of Understanding.
    Like the rest of the Palace any sense of dimensions was practically useless - the diamond walls seemed to stretch to infinity yet could be crossed rapidly if one so desired. And even by the standards of this unearthly place, the beit midrash was one of the strangest. Even after many visits, staying here too long made Asher feel vaguely nauseous. The walls were lined with endless bookshelves, full to bursting with leather bound, musty volumes of Jewish texts. If you watched closely, sometimes you could see new volumes spontaneously appearing on the shelves, with the space on the shelf miraculously warping to accommodate them, as new books were written and composed by the great thinkers of the Jewish people. It was a disconcerting experience.
    Yet the whole room, the entire palace in fact, was suffused with a faint but distinct glow, that seemed to emanate from all places at once - a light that Asher found to be gently soothing, almost like being held by a loved one. Today however, Asher hardly noticed it.
    “Excuse me?” said Asher, his hands still shaking from their encounter with the demons but his fury hardly dimmed at all. “You’ll forgive me?”
    “Absolutely,” nodded Virgo, turning to get a book off the shelf. “Since you defeated the nameless one I know you haven’t been at full strength - certain… weaknesses are to be expected and are best forgotten.”

Radiance 17 - The wicked spring up like grass

From http://exquisite--corpse.deviantart.com

    It wasn’t until half-way through the torah reading that Virgo first noticed anything was wrong.
    She had found herself praying harder than usual, focussing on each word closely, as waves of meanings washed over her, cleansing her troubled mind. Nothing was proceeding according to plan - Li was supposed to have been in Netanya watching the store but somehow she had disappeared right when they had been busy fighting the dybbuk. Ostar and Mercury could look after themselves but if they had been up against some of the more powerful forces that the Sitra Achra could muster Virgo was right to be concerned. And now they had vanished. Virgo had been listening to the cantor, allowing the letters to rearrange themselves in her head but got very little - they were still alive, she was sure of that, but where they were or who held them she could not make out. Perhaps her mind was still too troubled; or perhaps they were being hidden from her. Either way, once shabbat was out she was going to call Rahko, Li and Asher to the Palace of Understanding and come up with a new plan of attack. Together they could surely free Ostar and Mercury.
    But then she noticed that Asher was missing. She had no idea when he had left but it could have been up to twenty five minutes when she had last cast her eyes in his direction. She waited another fifteen minutes while the Torah service finished before she was sure that Asher wasn’t coming back. Virgo needed a new plan.
    This was incredibly frustrating - Asher was so wilful, so impetuous, always acting before thinking. If he didn’t seem to have such a grip on the power of Malchut Virgo could almost have sworn that he was the wrong guy for the job altogether. It had taken years of trying before they had even met properly, and by then it had almost been too late - already years of bad habits and neglect of the tradition had begun to corrupt his soul. And now he had run off in the middle of the shabbat morning service - it was unacceptable, it was inexplicable, it was… so like his father.
    Okay, this wasn’t helping. Where would he have gone? To their rooms, perhaps, though it depended on why he had left - but knowing Asher it could have been anything - even just to get a drink. Still, she had to be sure he was okay. The demons wouldn’t touch him on shabbat of course but he still wasn’t fully recovered and shouldn’t overexert himself.
    Virgo quickly prayed the additional service for the sabbath, gathered her siddur and left the synagogue. That was when she knew something was really wrong.

Radiance 16 - A simple man does not know

 

    Shabbat morning services had not been improved by his fight with a dybbuk, which was perhaps not a surprise to anyone but Virgo who had insisted he attend. The Centre Synagogue of Manhattan was pretty quiet but still Virgo had insisted on sitting at the other end of the room, facing the east wall - even though the synagogue had been egalitarian for decades, Virgo didn’t like sitting next to Asher in services. Something about ‘getting distracted’. Today he hadn’t objected - he would rather be far away from her right now.
  Ostar and Mercury were missing. While Asher had been lost inside his head, someone took them. Li and Rahko were out searching but even after exorcising the nameless one Asher had been unconscious for most of the week. Rahko last saw them in Netanya but the scribe’s shop they had been watching was abandoned by the time he got back there. By now they were probably dead.
    And here he was sitting in synagogue, listening to the choir sing a twirly rendition of Ein Kamocha as the cantor took the scroll out of the ark. It was incredibly frustrating. He should be out there, scouring the country for Samael and Ashmedai so he could smash their heads and rip out their throats. What was the point of having this new power if he couldn’t do anything?
    The world had changed since Columbus Circle. No, that wasn’t true, but his perception of it had. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of strange spirits, shadows in bright sunshine, an unexplained blur on the horizon. Virgo said that the world had always been like this but that Asher’s eyes were newly opened, and out of habit he had taken her at her word.
    But she had lied to him about his father. Well, not lied exactly since Virgo had never mentioned him to Asher, but they had known each other; she was the last person to speak to him when he was still alive. How could she not have mentioned it?
    The pain struck him like a punch to the chest, a dark hole in his stomach, burning in his eyes. It was almost a year since Dad died, nearly a full year - but Asher had stared into his eyes and ripped his heart to shreds, felt the muscle tear beneath his hand, while Samael stood by and laughed. And to think he had been ready to forgive the nameless one for his crimes! He hoped that the dybbuk’s spirit was rotting in hell, screaming out his name and begging for mercy.
    The rabbi and cantor were processing around the synagogue now, following the scroll around the room, singing the praise of God. As the congregation turned to face the torah, bowing as it went, Asher caught Virgo’s eye for a brief moment, before dropping his gaze.
    It made no sense. He had met demons and dybbuks, seen spirits and angels, but where was God? How could God have let this happen?