At the next meeting, Josiah could barely keep still. At last he would be able to make a contribution to the project. The safety of thousands, maybe even millions, of people who would come to live on the moon would be thanks to his insight. And to find the problem in the design process before construction had even begun, would save thousands of dollars as well. The youngsters would know that he still had some life in him, that he could still hack it in the fast-paced world of technology. Yes, he would show them all.
He longed just to get up and say everything - to prove his genius then and there. His legs kept almost standing, beyond his control. But he had too much respect for Eliphaz to show him up in front of his colleagues. He had to wait until the end of the meeting, then he could have a word with him in private. It would help Eli save face when he realised his mistake.
But the agony of waiting, the words burning a hole inside his head. ‘I was going through the notes,’ he would say, calmly and measuredly, ‘when I came across some anomalies. I was wondering if you could explain them to me.’ But there was no explanation that could be given. The entire structure of the protective shield was dangerously unstable. There might be no problems for years - it was possible that the shield could last for decades without having any problems at all - but then again, under the wrong circumstances, the shield would suffer a catastrophic failure, followed by the collapse of all backup systems. The result would be the annihilation of Luna-city. But he had seen the flaw, it would be put right, and it would all be thanks to him.
With these thoughts running through his mind again and again, Josiah found it nigh on impossible to listen to the meeting. Something about gardening. His fingers twitched, his legs jerked up and down, a nervous tension grew in his stomach.
“Josiah,” said Eli, breaking off whatever conversation they had been having, “you look agitated. Do you have something to add?”
All eyes turned his way, youthful and mocking.
“Uh, maybe I could have a word with you after the meeting,” Josiah stuttered, totally thrown by this sudden turn of events.
“Sure, if you want,” said Eli in his calm way. “Is it about the project?”
“Uh, yeah, it’s about the project.”
“Well why don’t you just tell us all now, while we’re all here.”
“No, I’d really rather just speak to you later.”
“We have no secrets here, what’s on your mind?”
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. The eyes were filled with disinterest and derision. What had he planned to say?
“There’s a flaw in the shield system,” he blurted out, “a really serious flaw, I mean, really deep-rooted, and if we don’t do something about it, we could have a really serious problem later on down the line, I mean, when we come to build it, because then we’ll have to replace all the inducers.”
He thought he heard the Wicked Witch cackle quietly to herself. They won’t listen, he thought, and his heart plummeted. But Eli was listening and would hear what he was trying to say.
“Why don’t you just pause a second and then start from the beginning,” Eli said sympathetically.
Josiah took a deep breath, tried to gather his thoughts, and began at the beginning. He pulled out the now ragged bits of paper, criss-crossed in red scribbles and black arrows, referencing first one part and then another of the design specifications, gathering momentum all the time. Why was he nervous? After all, he knew he was right, and Eli would listen, even if the others were too blinded by prejudice to see the truth. He didn’t care what they thought, only Eli mattered. His mind grew wings and soared, each sentence he spoke was perfect, his argument faultless - they would all recognise the truth of what he said. This was the perfect flash of inspiration, everything came together and he understood it on a new level - this was the feeling he lived for, the sheer energy, the power of the mind.
He was reaching his conclusion and knew it to be irresistible.
“And so, in conclusion, you can see that the structure of the defensive shield has an inherent weakness. It can be struck by a meteor and not sustain a scratch, but if subjected to vibrations of a certain frequency, a frequency not uncommon, the plasma flow will be interrupted, causing a catastrophic failure of all systems, primary and secondary, resulting in depressurisation and total annihilation of the city.”
There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch into an eternity. All eyes looked at him but he could not tell what they thought. He found, to his great surprise, that he was standing up, and perhaps had been for some time. They stared at him forever, pens held limply in their hands. In this moment of silence, Josiah felt Ammi’s loss more profoundly than he had for years, though he could not explain why. And then the silence ended.
Four mouths opened, and four voices exploded into laughter. They laughed and laughed. They laughed until tears began to stream from their eyes, until they fell out of their chairs. They laughed like laughter was going out of style and would never return.
An urge to run almost overwhelmed Josiah - to escape, to crawl into some distant hole and never come out. He wished he would die rather than stand in that room for a moment longer. His face burned like it was on fire, his hands clenched so hard he thought they would break. And still they laughed.
His only hope lay in Eli, surely he had listened with an open mind, had grasped the truth of what Josiah had said.
“Thank you Josiah,” Eli said, turning back to his flip-chart, “maybe we’ll discuss your points in more detail later. Now…”
He had tried to hide it but Josiah had seen the expression on Eliphaz’s face, the almost-suppressed smile, the condescending laughter that lay at the back of his throat. It was too much. Even Eli thought he was a mad old fool. A violent shudder forced its way through his body, from his feet to his head. Hot tears forced their way through his eyes like molten lead. He had to get out.
He dropped his papers and ran out the door, not caring where he went. If Eliphaz called after him, he did not hear.
* * *
He was right, and he knew he was right. Why wouldn’t they see? They were blind, they had blinded themselves. When they looked at him, they saw an idiot, a has-been, a tired fool, a thing to be pitied perhaps, but never taken seriously. But this time he was right! Why wouldn’t they listen? He would make them hear, make them understand. He would show them that he was right. He would be exonerated, they would come to him and beg him for forgiveness, and he would forgive them. If only they had listened. But they could not see the truth when spoken by a man they could only ignore.
How to make them see? Maybe if he went over the arguments again on his own, next meeting he would be able to explain them better, justify each step, each deduction. Then they would have to acknowledge the flaw. But he knew it was futile. No amount of argument would persuade them. His argument had been flawless. They had laughed until they cried, until their sides ached.
But Eli would listen to him, they had been close friends once, and he had always been respectful, he could be made to see. But how?
The tube train juddered gently as it travelled down the rails. There were few people in the carriage and Josiah found the journey cathartic. His anger, his shame, seemed to melt away from him.
He shouldn’t have run out of the meeting in that way, that would only confirm their view of him. He should have stayed and argued the point. Why had he run?
But he had to make the best of it and deal with the situation at hand. He’d make an appointment and see Eliphaz in private. They would talk the whole thing over and it would all work out fine.
The train slowed down as it passed through a station that was closed for redevelopment and renovation. Josiah watched the darkened platform slide past the windows with disinterest, but then he saw someone standing in the shadows.
A woman, vaguely familiar, though he did not know how he knew her. She wore a snakeskin jacket and carried a polystyrene cup of coffee in one hand and a placard in the other. As the train passed her by, she turned the placard over - “SOON, YOU WILL BE MINE” it declared, before being lost to darkness.
The train pulled into Josiah’s stop. He struggled to his feet and got off the train, still wondering what he should do next. If only Ammi were here, he thought, she would know what to do. But Ammi was lost, and Josiah was alone.
* * *
He sat in his leather armchair, surrounded by the dust of years. He sat as he had done so many times, sat and thought. But his eyes only rarely fell on that photograph, the one untouched by decay; now they rested on the telephone.
Should I call him? The meeting is probably over by now, but then didn’t he say he was meeting someone? It’s certainly a possibility. I don’t want to interrupt. But then, why put it off? I’m just being stupid. I should call now and get it over with. What would I say? I’ll think of something. Just get up, and pick up the phone.
But he didn’t move anywhere.
What are you afraid of? You’re such a coward, no wonder they laughed at you, you deserved it. Just pick up the phone!
Coward!
Josiah sighed.
Everything begins somewhere, he thought. What was it, twenty-eight years since he had met Eli? He had been brilliant then, young, handsome, full of enthusiasm, full of energy. Josiah could not help but like him. It was that crooked smile, the gleam in his eyes when he was working, when his theories were proved correct. Josiah was his teacher, his tutor. Then his mentor and friend. They had so much in common, despite the age difference. And he was always respectful. Ammi liked him, so did Dinah. They got on like a house on fire. At odd moments, Josiah daydreamed about Eli and Dinah marrying - it would have been beautiful, the perfect marriage.
And if Josiah wasn’t Eli’s tutor, he would not be watching the phone. No. If Josiah hadn’t been Eli’s tutor.
But before that. Josiah looked at the list of students, and had to choose his class. He had not interviewed them all, some had been before his time. How to choose? Normally, he did it randomly, but one name caught his eye. Eliphaz Kuranes. Josiah’s father had been named Eliphaz. Strange coincidence. It’s not a very common name. So he chooses Eliphaz for his class. And if he hadn’t?
And before that there was his father. Named after his maternal grandmother, who had been called Eleanor. So his father was Eliphaz, Eli for short. And then Eleanor. Who knew why she had had that name? Everything begins somewhere but the chain of causation stretches back as far as you care to look.
If the universe had never begun, Ammi and Dinah would never have got into that car with… A car screeched like they do in films, so unreal you never think you’ll hear it. And then you do, and you know that it can only be followed by a crash like thunder. Everything flew everywhere. Eliphaz staggered in, hands covered in blood. And slowly, ever so slowly, Ammi dies in front of him, again and again.
No!
He would not fall asleep. He shook his head but was not tired. Had he been asleep? He must have been. Surely.
It was 5:55 pm. He would not put it off any more, he would call now.
Slowly, Josiah got up from the chair, his knees protesting violently. He hobbled over to the black phone and reached out for it.
It rang.
Startled, he lifted the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Hi Joe, are you alright?” It was Eli, and somehow Josiah wasn’t surprised. It was only natural that Eli would call him - make him feel better, hear what he had to say. Josiah even dared hope that Eli had realised the truth of Josiah’s argument.
“Heh, you know. I’ve been better.”
“Yeah I’m sure.”
“Listen,” they both said simultaneously.
“You first.”
“Okay,” said Eli, “I’m sorry about the meeting today, it shouldn’t have happened.”
“It’s alright,” said Josiah, relieved that Eli had apologised. He was filled with hope. “And I’m sorry about the way I behaved, I should have, I don’t know, spoken to you later, I guess.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I should have listened to you when you asked to speak privately.”
“It’s alright.”
“No really, I’m really sorry about it. If only I had spoken to you privately, we could have avoided that embarrassment.”
Josiah felt his heart plummet.
“What?” he asked, his voice becoming suddenly cold and quiet.
“Well, then we could have discussed your ideas and I could have, you know, put you straight about a couple of things.”
“No, I don’t know. What things could you have put me straight on, Eli?”
How could Eli fail to hear his tone?
“Well, that thing you said about the inducers, well, it just couldn’t happen, I could have shown you why. It’s the plasma.”
“Eli listen. I stand by everything I said in today’s meeting. I’m right about the shields. The flaw in them is very real and very dangerous.”
“I’m sorry but you’re wrong, I don’t think you understand the new technology involved here, you’ve been out of the loop.”
“No, it’s you that doesn’t understand,” Josiah’s blood was boiling now, “I’m right, and I know I’m right. The flaw is real, the shields will fail and the catastrophe will be absolute. You can avoid it. Just listen to me and change the design.”
“I can’t do that,” Eli said, sounding like he was talking to a difficult child, “production is already beginning, to go back to the drawing boards now would cost the company millions. It’s too late to stop. And besides, there is no flaw.”
“Damn it Eli, it’s there! If you’d been listening to what I said at the meeting you’d agree with me. What’s money compared to human life? You must stop the construction.”
“I’m sorry but I can’t do that.”
“Then I don’t think I can work with you any more.”
“Joe, don’t do this…”
“I have to. Eli, I quit. I can’t work with people too blind to see what’s in front of their noses.”
“I’m sorry you feel like that, but it doesn’t change anything. Construction begins on Monday.”
He had to have one last try.
“Please Eli, please! Just look at my notes, think about them. It’s not too late. Please!”
“I’m sorry Josiah, there’s nothing more to say.”
He hung up.
Josiah put down the phone reluctantly, barely believing what had happened. What should he do now?
He really needed a drink.
Where did that thought come from? He didn’t drink any more, hadn’t done for years. And besides, he had got rid of everything.
Hadn’t he?
Focus. What should he do? He had to stop construction. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t. But how? Eli was unsympathetic - that still hurt - who could he go to? The newspapers. No, he couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t be fair. But what could he do? God, he needed a drink. Just one. But he didn’t have any. He had thrown them all away. Unless…
The next thing he knew, Josiah found himself in the kitchen, half-buried in clutter as he turned everything upside down looking for a drink. Where had he kept them? Desperately he threw everything aside. It was no use, there was nothing.
Getting on a step ladder he checked the lamp shade. Still nothing. There has to be something left. Where?
An idea struck him. He grabbed the keys to the back door and managed to get it open. The shed - there must be something there. He dashed down the garden, flung open the door and searched every cupboard, every shelf. Then he found it. Beautiful, crystal-clear glass, perfectly shaped. Golden liquid like honey.
Cradling the bottle to his chest he ran back to the house, found an unbroken glass and sat down at the kitchen table. Carefully, despite the violent shaking of his hands that sought to betray him, he poured himself a small amount, and stared at it.
Did he really want to do this? It was just a single drink. Everything was going wrong today, a tiny drink couldn’t make things any worse, could it? Only better. But he had promised himself, he had sworn, no more drinking. It was just a small glass.
He took a coin out of his pocket.
This will settle it. Heads, I pour the bottle down the sink, make a cup of tea and then go to bed. Tails, I drink this glass first.
He positioned it on his fist. His thumb flicked up, sending the coin spinning into the air, revolving possibilities, round and round - the future was undetermined, and the universe itself paused as the penny dropped into Josiah’s open hand.
Tails.
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